August 10-31 2017 Emotion Is My Middle Name

The rest of August...I took a lot of deep breaths, and shed a lot of tears.
I drove up to WY for the Solar Eclipse with Neil and his brother Steven. We got super lucky and didn't hit any traffic. We met up with Neil and Steven's sister and nephew in a town called Hoback, right outside Jackson, WY. We were in the Path of Totality, and I have to say it was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced. The temperature dropped significantly as the moon's shadow covered the sun. I felt like my eyesight was going, and every shadow was sharpened. And then, suddenly it was night...at 11:30 in the afternoon. Birds stopped singing, and crickets started chirping. The air was frigid, and we took off our eclipse glasses to see this ring of fire floating in the black sky, with stars all around it. It was incredible. Then, slowly the shadow began to move off the sun. Warmth started to return, crickets stopped chirping, and birds started singing again.

Steven, Neil and Me

A classic Jeff Brown view

This whole experience was heightened due to some tragic news we found out the day before. A friend of mine was hiking in the Sequoias when a sudden rainstorm blew in. He slipped on loose gravel and fell 30 ft, and didn't survive. The details still make me cry. And the loss of this amazing man left so many inconsolable. Jeff was the guy who made everyone feel like they mattered. He was a friend to the friendless as well as the friendly. His smile lit up a room, and his adventurous spirit was inspiring. He loved the outdoors, and was an avid hiker, so this news was shocking. While watching that eclipse, I thought a lot about heaven. I thought a lot about Jeff, and I thought a lot about how close heaven really is.

#getoutside #forjeffkbrown

On a selfish note, Jeff's death was a huge psychological hit for me. Why did I survive my accident, but Jeff didn't? Why do people come up to me saying what a miracle I was and how angels attended me, but not for Jeff? I was a wreck for a long time. I couldn't handle my emotions, and caused issues in other relationships because of it.
Thankfully, I believe in God and have incredible parents and friends. I fought through these emotions for the rest of August, and it was a serious struggle. I found myself consistently seeking answers by walking in the woods, kneeling in prayer, and understanding mindfulness. The mountains became my solace, and slowly I started to find peace again. I began to understand who I truly am, and the importance of helping others. I came out with even more of a resolve to Live, but in a more profound way. Jeff was there for those he loved. He loved life, but made time for those that needed him. Life is fleeting. If I could give people any advice I'd say: Take that hike, smile at the cashier, tell your parents you love them, and remember who you are and what is really important in this life.

When The End Comes by Andrew Belle