With the wake of Jeff's death and other emotional trauma behind me, my mind and spirit have given me another shove down my Alive path. With autumn around the corner, I knew that I'd be losing opportunities to do certain things outside. Mt. Timpanogos is just an hour south of me, and hadn't yet been conquered. At 11, 752 ft high, it was my Everest. I decided on a Wednesday to do it on Saturday. I do hikes with just me and Nalu all the time, on quick 2-4 milers that are easy and safe. But this was different. I was scared. But I'm so glad I did it alone. Nature has always been a way for me to tap into spiritual aspects of life, and I needed this alone time after the August I'd endured.
I started at 4:30am to avoid the midday heat at the top. It took me roughly 6 hours to get there, but was so worth it. The sun started to rise as I hit a small meadow, and crept over the mountain on one side of the meadow, while I crept up the mountain on the other side. The views were breathtaking. I reached the top, Nalu at my side, and was all smiles. It wasn't easy, but I'd done it.
Top of Mt. Timpanogos
The next weekend I had plans to meet my friend Melissa in Denver, CO. Just because. Rocky Mountain National Park, Hanging Lake, Doc Holliday's gravesite, Aspen, Vail, Seven Falls, Garden of the Gods, and the Broadmoor were all explored. We made the most of a quick weekend, and it was a blast.
Me and Melissa
Seven Falls
A little place called Assssppeeen
Rocky Mountain National Park
Garden of the Gods
Doc Holliday's gravestone
Hanging Lake, Glenwood
Yesterday afternoon I found out another friend had passed away. Almost one month to the day of Jeff's passing. Trey was in a wheelchair all his life with brittle bone disease, and had taken a fall over the weekend that he couldn't recover from. He was one of the best. His wit and cunning and hilarious outlook on life was contagious. My brother, who didn't know Trey, often asked me to read some of Trey's facebook updates to him, because they always made him laugh. He will be missed.
The rest of August...I took a lot of deep breaths, and shed a lot of tears.
I drove up to WY for the Solar Eclipse with Neil and his brother Steven. We got super lucky and didn't hit any traffic. We met up with Neil and Steven's sister and nephew in a town called Hoback, right outside Jackson, WY. We were in the Path of Totality, and I have to say it was one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced. The temperature dropped significantly as the moon's shadow covered the sun. I felt like my eyesight was going, and every shadow was sharpened. And then, suddenly it was night...at 11:30 in the afternoon. Birds stopped singing, and crickets started chirping. The air was frigid, and we took off our eclipse glasses to see this ring of fire floating in the black sky, with stars all around it. It was incredible. Then, slowly the shadow began to move off the sun. Warmth started to return, crickets stopped chirping, and birds started singing again.
Steven, Neil and Me
A classic Jeff Brown view
This whole experience was heightened due to some tragic news we found out the day before. A friend of mine was hiking in the Sequoias when a sudden rainstorm blew in. He slipped on loose gravel and fell 30 ft, and didn't survive. The details still make me cry. And the loss of this amazing man left so many inconsolable. Jeff was the guy who made everyone feel like they mattered. He was a friend to the friendless as well as the friendly. His smile lit up a room, and his adventurous spirit was inspiring. He loved the outdoors, and was an avid hiker, so this news was shocking. While watching that eclipse, I thought a lot about heaven. I thought a lot about Jeff, and I thought a lot about how close heaven really is.
#getoutside #forjeffkbrown
On a selfish note, Jeff's death was a huge psychological hit for me. Why did I survive my accident, but Jeff didn't? Why do people come up to me saying what a miracle I was and how angels attended me, but not for Jeff? I was a wreck for a long time. I couldn't handle my emotions, and caused issues in other relationships because of it.
Thankfully, I believe in God and have incredible parents and friends. I fought through these emotions for the rest of August, and it was a serious struggle. I found myself consistently seeking answers by walking in the woods, kneeling in prayer, and understanding mindfulness. The mountains became my solace, and slowly I started to find peace again. I began to understand who I truly am, and the importance of helping others. I came out with even more of a resolve to Live, but in a more profound way. Jeff was there for those he loved. He loved life, but made time for those that needed him. Life is fleeting. If I could give people any advice I'd say: Take that hike, smile at the cashier, tell your parents you love them, and remember who you are and what is really important in this life.
This is the post I've been waiting for.
August 5th marked the one year anniversary of the accident. I knew back in October that I had to do something cool this day. I decided on a pretty daunting hike--the Na Pali Coast in Kauai. My niece, Madie, was graduating that year, so she and my sister decided to come along for Madie's graduation trip. Plans took shape, and we spent the first week and a half of August in the most amazing place I've ever been. I fell in love with Kauai.
I was told by a doctor that I shouldn't scuba dive anymore due to the punctured lung I suffered. I needed a second opinion. After contacting the scuba medic board, and tracking down doctors in Salt Lake that deal with this kind of issue specifically, I went through a series of breathing tests and scans to determine if my damaged lung can handle it. No results as of yet, but the doctors are hopeful.
One of my best friends got married on June 10, and I was honored to play the guitar at their ceremony.
The 4th of July was spent with my sister and my dog up in Twin Falls, ID. We had a blast paddleboarding the Snake River, with Nalu on the front in his doggy life vest. We also jumped into the reservoir.
On July 8th, I experienced a dream concert. The Beach Boys were playing at the Snow Park Amphitheater with the Utah Symphony. Those boys are old, but they still put on a killer show.
May was jam packed.
I follow a photographer named Andrew Knapp on instagram (@andrewknapp). He has a black and white border collie named Momo. He's done pretty well for himself snapping pictures of Momo hiding in random places and creating books of the photos, like a Where's Waldo book. http://www.letsfindmomo.com/
Momo, Me and Nalu
I had responded to a message he had put out on instagram regarding people that had significant stories with their dogs. Nalu, my border collie, was in the passenger seat at the time of the crash. He was then taken in by my sister for the next two-three months while I was in recovery. I didn't realize how much that dog meant to me until he was gone.
Andrew Knapp met me at one of our favorite spots in Salt Lake called Memory Grove. We talked all about the accident, and about Nalu and what he means to me.
It came down to this for me during that interview--Nalu had saved me. Mostly from myself, and my slow sinking into a chasm of sadness and loneliness. Dramatic, I know. But this sweet pup gave me purpose and brought so much sunshine into my life. I was so grateful to Andrew for asking about Nalu. He's the first person that really brought to the surface how important to me it was that my boy Nalu had survived. To some, he's just a dog. To me, he has become my world.
He keeps me going. He gets me out of the house and up those mountains. Unconditional love from a dog is pretty powerful.
May also brought on a paid for flight to AZ for fun, a trip to WI for work, and was wrapped up with an awesome first time trip to the Grand Canyon over Memorial Day.
I am taking full advantage of my alive-ness (I think I just made up that word, and I like it).
Life has a way of getting busy without you even realizing it. March and April were no strangers to this. With a solid resolve to say Yes to just about any opportunity that was thrown at me, I somehow found myself at Comicon in Salt Lake City with my sister and her kids. I can say with honesty, this is something everyone should do at least once. Also with complete honesty, once was enough for me, but I'm glad I went. I dressed up as a My Little Pony named Rarity, and was told by a middle-aged man, in the best creeper voice ever, that "Rarity is best pony."
I took a quick weekend trip to AZ to visit Neil, and then to St. Louis for a work trip. The first weekend in April was dedicated to Zion's National Park with my niece, India. We hiked Angel's Landing, the first real strenuous activity I'd done since the accident. We made it to the top, feeling very mortal. Hats off to anyone that has done this sketchy hike. Easter came and went. I don't even remember what I did for it. And I took and passed a Concealed Firearms Permit class (don't mess).
I had been in touch with some people from on online magazine called The Grit and Grace Project. In March, I had been asked to be a contributing writer for the magazine, and share my story in a three-part series. April 20th was my first published article, while the other two came in the following two weeks.
I've had several people recently request an update on this blog. A lot has happened since my last post, so I'll try to break this up into a few posts.
The end of February took me to California to speak for a group of young adults during their church meeting regarding my accident. My usual motivational talking on the subject took a spiritual turn, and I spoke of angels and of my belief in God. There were so many little details of the accident that seemed miraculous. The fact that I was alive was the biggest shock of all. But other things came to light that seemed to only be explained by this: God's hand was in it.
The whole front end of my car was pushed forward from the collision with the Suburban. Standing at 5'1" tall, the force of the front end impact gave my feet minimal damage--a broken big toe on my left foot and a severely sprained ankle on my right foot. I was told, however, that if I was even three inches taller, my feet would have been destroyed.
The brake pedal was pushing into the lower cushion portion of my seat. For whatever reason, my legs just happened to split perfectly around it, on either side. I have a large scar on my left leg from where the pedal sliced my leg. But I realize (with some serious humility) that my leg could have easily been severed.
I happened to be carrying 20 cement cinder blocks in the back of my car when I was hit. If I was hit from behind at the same speed, those would have killed me. But since the force came from the front, several of them shot out the back window, and the rest just hit the back door and weighed the car down, preventing me from flipping...which would have also killed me.
The car itself, my 2004 Honda Element, was a blessing in disguise. If I was in anything smaller, I'd be dead. That car, rest it's motory soul, is a huge reason I'm alive today (moment of silence for my fallen soldier, Duke the Element).
I don't understand why I've been preserved to continue this life. I'm not sure I will understand for a while. But I know that I was definitely protected.
I mentioned in my last post that I have some serious 2017 goals. #yesman2017
This video was among those goals. Record myself singing and playing guitar. CHECK.
This isn't by any stretch of the imagination a professional video, but I followed through with my goal. Sanctuary cover, originally done by Nashville Cast.
