December 24 2016 A Merry Mele Kalikimaka

2016, winding down. Most of us would agree we're not sad to see it go. And yet I find myself reflecting on the memories of this year anyway. It was a good year in a lot of ways too. As trying a time as my life has been post-bank robber encounter, I can honestly say it's been one of the best experiences I've ever gone through. Not that I recommend it to anyone, of course. Nor do I ever want to do it again. But, like the Grinch, my heart has grown three sizes since it happened. Not that my heart was an empty hole before, it's just brought me to a level of seeing that this really is a wonderful life (cue Polyanna music).
Anyhow, the latest news: I've upgraded to a soft neck brace this week, which I only wear when my neck is hurting. I no longer feel like this....

And the Christmas festivities have been merry and bright.

Reindeer games

And Siri thinks she's funny and has conveniently been auto correcting my name to Necki when I type it. She knows.

I made a Christmas CD for those who got Unbreakable 5K shirts, but thought I'd avoid being a Scrooge and let everyone have it, along with several more songs. If you look up my name on Spotify, the playlist is called Home For Christmas. You're welcome.

And here's a soft and sappy Christmas song that I love:
The Prayer by David Archuleta and Nathan Pacheco

Happy Christmas from your favorite crash test dummies, Necki and Nalu. See ya in 2017. 

December 18 2016 Christmas Miracles

This year has been a doozy, am I right? General consensus of 2016: It was the worst.
A lot of good friends and family had serious struggles this year. And three people at my company passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Strange to think I was almost the fourth.
I did have some uplifting news this week though. I was on the local news last Monday, and two days later I received a Facebook message from a person I didn't know. I started reading, a bit confused why this person was being so apologetic, and about four sentences in I read this, "See, I am married to the man that hit you...".
Well that was unexpected. The email was heartfelt and sincere, overflowing with her pain and struggle with what her husband did. I knew she was in the process of divorcing him from her police statement back in August, so I never blamed her, but oh man how she blamed herself. Halfway through the email, she mentioned that she and her three children had seen the news segment, and her son knew right away that I was the person his dad hit. He stood up and told his mom he wanted to walk the 5K with me.
(I'll give you a few moments to wipe the tears from your eyes)
I'll leave you with that, because it was a very touching and personal letter, but I had to share this part of it. They will be participating in the New Year's 5K, to show me they don't approve of their family member's actions. It will be a huge step in the healing process for them as well as for me. Hallmark movie material, right?!
It comes down to this for me, something I saw on Pinterest somewhere: You are always responsible for how you act, regardless of how you feel. Remember that. 
Life sucks...and sometimes sucks a lot...but you choose how you respond to that suckiness. Yes, it's not always easy to do. Crying is allowed. And screaming. Once in a while throwing things is appropriate (as long as it's not at someone). But then you've got to make a choice. I had to make that choice. Do I wallow in my pain and misery, laying helpless and completely dependent on other people? Or do I fight to put myself back together, physically and emotionally, and try to make some good of a bad situation? I chose the latter, and it has made all the difference in the world. I'd go as far as saying it has even eased my physical pain. The mind is a powerful thing.

And this song couldn't be more perfect for this Christmasy week:

Maybe This Christmas by Ron Sexsmith

December 7 2016 In Other News...

I usually post every Sunday--but the last two weeks got away from me. I'll try to recap with a reader's digest version, and leave you with two great songs.

This was taken outside La Caille. Magical.

Thanksgiving! I spent the holidays this year with with good friends that feel like family. Thanksgiving itself was spent at a nice restaurant in Sandy, UT called La Caille. It was so nice to not have to cook, and even nicer to not clean up. Thanksgiving in a neck brace wasn't so bad.

Had my first airplane flight since the accident. It wasn't one of my favorite memories of these past weeks. Brutal. On the way home I did things right and got pushed in a wheelchair to where I needed to go.

I met a lady on the plane heading out that had been in a serious motorcycle accident a few years ago. Her face took most of the impact--and she had pictures to prove it. Poor woman. But several surgeries later things have improved immensely, and she was happy to be alive. She was so pretty!

I met a man on the plane heading back home that had a cane, leg brace, and a service dog. He told me he'd been shot in the back while serving in Afghanistan. It affected so much of his mobility. The dog kept him steady, and picked things up for him when he dropped them. He seemed a very kind man, and held himself so well. He, too, was happy to be alive.

These two people got me thinking. Life sure does throw us curve balls once in a while. It's so funny to think about my accident and what has happened with my life since then. Oddly enough, I would say it's been one of the best experiences of my life. Weird, I know. I got in a major car wreck that broke 14 bones and it was so amazing! Not so much like that. But the people that I've met, the service I've received, the lives I've touched, the pure love and charity of good people in this world....that is the best. Keeps me smiling. And laughing. And knowing this is a good life. Heard this quote yesterday that sums it up: "Don't fight the frustration. Let it be the catalyst for whimsy."--James Vietch

I'm walking the SLC Beat the New Year 5K on New Year's Eve this year. I might be crazy, but I mentally need it. It has been very motivating. And people are rallying for me all over the west! I can't believe the outpour of support that has come in with people buying the Unbreakable shirts. I just get choked up. And I'm so excited to see the pictures of my friends and family all over the country wearing these shirts and running/walking/hiking/biking in my honor. It will be so incredibly helpful and motivating for me to do mine that night. 

And check this out, I was on the news--

https://www.ksl.com/?sid=42472981

And this song!! Possibly the most darling cover of this song I've ever heard. And appropriate for my feels right now. 

With A Little Help From My Friends by Dodie Clark

November 20 2016 True Grit

I ventured into this week still fighting a fierce battle with the flu. I was starting to feel like Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbird--a shut-in, peering through the blinds when I heard something outside, skin looking a bit too pasty. I was lucky to get a last minute appointment with my doctor, who gave me some medicine to get rid of it.
The highlight of this week was on Friday. One of the organizers of the New Year's 5K (put on by the SLC Track Club) invited me to be part of the club's yearly banquet. They talked of their events this past year, and of events to come, and gave out the year's awards. I was to be a mystery speaker of sorts toward the end of the banquet, telling my story and sharing what motivates me. This group was awesome. Hearing about the things they have accomplished as a group as well as individually was inspiring. I was lucky to be a part of it. They were incredibly supportive of my decision to attempt this 5K after what I've been through, and gave me an added bit of motivation. After I finished, one of the organizers stood up, thanked me, and talked to the group about 'grit'. Grit, she said, is defined as courage and resolve; strength of character. Then she added that I am a person that definitely has Grit.
That may have been one of the finest compliments I've ever received.

I left that night knowing how much I need this race mentally. It's a little carrot dangled in front of me to keep me going.

Men's

Women's

On that note, my sister came up with a fantastic idea for those that can't be in Salt Lake to run the race with me. She's getting shirts made that say "Unbreakable" on them, and is petitioning people to buy a shirt for $15 and run their own 5K on New year's Eve, wherever they live. The hashtag #backtobecki2017 is on the shirt as well. Those doing their own 5K can take pictures wherever they are and tag it with that hashtag for me to see, to give me a little extra motivation when I feel like giving up. I love this idea.

If you donate $15 to my gofundme page, Becki GoFundMe, and add your shirt size and gender, we will send you a shirt. Proceeds go to covering the cost of the shirt, and whatever is left is donated to my page for assistance with bills and buying a car.

And here is the link for the race again, for those that are in Salt Lake City:
Beat the New Year 2017
Use coupon DARKPARK to save $5 on the race!

And this week's song:

We're On Our Way by Radial Face

November 13 2016 Musings

This week has been one for the books. Or maybe I'd like to forget it altogether.

I caught the flu on Sunday, after having spent a busy weekend with friends and family. I suppose it was inevitable. It's clear that my immune system is working overtime right now...no extra soldiers to fight off seasonal sicknesses. Medicines, cough syrups, natural concoctions, essential oils, magic potions...nothing seemed to make it better. But flu body aches on top of broken bone body aches; coughing with a broken sternum and broken neck--waxing dramatic, I wanted to die.

Tuesday was election day. Ugh. I'm not much for politics, but I am one for human kindness. The effects of this election were a bit disheartening. Not because of who was elected, but because of how people reacted. I agree with Mike Rowe when he said, "Despising our candidates publicly is very different than despising the people who vote for them." All I can do is have hope that things will change for the better.

So with the unpleasantness of the flu and election aftershocks, I came into the end of the week.

Thursday was my birthday. Another year older. Life just keeps moving forward. This birthday was different though. I have a resolve to live this year more than I ever have before, because, you know, I almost died and whatnot. So many talk of the country being doomed now with the outcome of this election. So much nastiness on social media. I am all for standing up for what you believe in, but not at the expense of hurting others. So all I can do is make sure I am doing my best.
This year, I'll believe what I believe and let you believe what you believe, and will still like you, okay? Life is too short to not live well and full--experiencing the world and all it has to offer, and accepting human kind by being kind.

And I'll leave you with that. Sunday musings of Becki.

This is a two song kind of week. So here you go:

Cough Syrup by Young the Giant

Changes by Langhorne Slim & The Law

November 6 2016 Keepin My Head Above Water

I've always loved the water. I used to tell people I wanted to be a mermaid as my grown-up profession. I've been doing a lot of physical therapy in the pool because I'm so comfortable in water. I used to surf quite a bit when I lived in California and Hawaii. During trials in my life, my dad would use the ocean as a metaphor: "Becki, there are gonna be waves that you can't catch--waves that wipe you out, making you feel like you might drown. What do you do? Does that stop you from getting back on your board and paddling out again? Not a chance. You keep going for the next wave. You've got this. Paddle like you want it."
This has been on my mind this week. Rough waters, high surf advisory, whitewater rapids. You get the idea.Wednesday was the dreaded spine doctor appointment--the day I found out if my neck needed surgery, or if I could start the process of weaning off the neck brace. My stomach was in knots that morning, but I left the doctor's office with good news!
I saw my neck that day for the first time in three months....and it was weird. All baby soft skin and far too skinny to belong to a healthy human. I could tell how weak it was as well. It's hard to realize the real weight of your head unless you've had a cervical collar doing the heavy lifting for three months. I officially know what it's like to be a bobble head.

I'll be keeping it off for a few hours a day for the next month, mainly when I'm sitting idly. And was told to keep it off during pool PT, as the water weightlessness would be good for it. I'm all smiles this week, letting the current keep pushing me forward.

In other news, Halloween came and went this week. One of my three costumes was the apropos Crash Test Dummy. Can't take credit for the idea, but it was smashing (pun definitely intended). I also wore jeans for the first time in three months this week. How was it, you ask? Constricting. I may need to wean off the pjs as well as the neck brace.

Crash Test Dummy for Halloween

Here's my neck brace-free neck. So skinny and weak!

This week's song comes from an older favorite band....

Swim by Jack's Mannequin

October 30 2016 Words of Wisdom

The song for this week (link below) has been in my head for the past few days. I figured I'd just go with it and make it work for this blog.

Anyone here a fan of Gilmore Girls? There's an episode where the hotel's French concierge says he has ennui (on-wee). Weird word, but hit the nail on the head with my mood this week. Listless, unmotivated, bored, blue, lazy....I had come down with a serious case of ennui.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_N_2bGzvwc

I've had some friends send me motivating quotes the past few weeks, and have found several myself. It's amazing what a few good words can do to lift you up when you're struggling with something. Seems that people know just the right time to send you just what you need. So I thought I'd share a few here for anyone else dealing with a case of ennui.

 

                                                   

                   








And here's this week's song:
Let It Be by The Beatles

October 23 2016 Working Toward That Hall of Fame

I had a lot of pain this week for some reason. Might have been because I'm upping my game in the physical therapy department. Or might be because Nalu is back home. Either way, I spent some quality time with ice packs and my recliner this week.

In other news, I walked around my block for the first time on Wednesday...and held back tears the whole time. I do have some rough days--physically as well as emotionally. Wednesday was a hard hitter for both physical and emotional roughness.Unnecessary roughness, I daresay. I was proud of myself for getting around the whole block, but so frustrated at how hard it was.

So, in order to keep myself motivated, I've somehow ended up signing up for two 5Ks. Two! Of course, I'll most likely be walking them both, but come hell or high water I will be there for both.

And. Well. I'd like you to be there too. The race coordinators have been kind enough to sponsor me in these races, seeing my story as one that could inspire others. But in return, I've told them I would spread the word.
So here's me spreading the word...

Santa Run December 3

Looks like a Santa version of Where's Waldo

I'm doing the Provo one. Don't think I'll be ready for the ones in November.
This one looks pretty fun. You do the run in a Santa Suit. And honestly, I'll welcome any extra layers.

Beat the New Year, December 31

In Salt Lake City. I'm super excited for this one. A New Year's Eve run. New Year's Eve is usually fairly anticlimactic, but this year I'll be ringing in the New Year by successfully crossing a finish line with a body full of healing bones. Cool? Yes.

Come do one or both with me, and make sure I don't pass out. :) J/K (but kinda serious). I need all the support I can get!

And to finish this off, here's my song of the week:
Hall of Fame by The Script

October 16 2016 Alive

It's funny to think how so many things have changed in my life the past two months. Life just continues to move on, regardless of any one person's situation. I rode the bus to the store the other day and felt like I was on a roller coaster...far too painful right now, but I tried. See, for the first time since high school, I don't own a car. And couldn't drive it even if I did. So I improvise. Amazon and I have a special bond now.
People have said they admire my strength and optimism. To me though, what good would it do to be anything else?

I have essentially cheated death here. Seems that it's all I can do to be grateful for a chance to make myself better than before. 

Ironically, out of something so bad, I've been given the precious opportunity to see the good in this world--the kind hearts, the concerned voices, the serving hands. And I feel closer to my family than ever before. 

I mean, who can say they've had their dad brush their hair for them after the age of 6? I can.

I believe in angels--those we can see, and those we can't. 

I've also found that certain songs are taking on new meaning for me now. I think I'm gonna start a soundtrack to my life from here on out. 

Song #1, dedicated to the bank robbers (along with a middle finger emoji):
Alive by Sia

October 10 2016 Gunny and Meds

One perk of having a neck brace is that you get to meet a lot of interesting people. Everyone wants to hear the story behind it, and most everyone has a story of their own to share. It's nice to commiserate with others that have had accidents of one form or another.
We met a man a couple weeks back whose wife had been in a car wreck in her early years. He had a passion for guns, and conversation flowed easily with my dad, also a gun fanatic. We nicknamed him "Gunny". He showed us a few of his favorites, and of course we had a photo shoot.

Bank robbers beware. 

This morning was a particularly intense session of outpatient therapy. I woke up feeling like I could conquer the world. My spirits were high, and energy was higher. I was plowing through my exercises, feeling strong. That is, until the last set of exercises. I started to feel light headed, but kept pushing through. I felt the blood drain from my face, and my knees started to buckle. 

The PT assistant helped me to a chair. All that talk about seeing stars suddenly made sense. Everything was sparkly, and sounds were dulled--except for the ringing in my ears. 

I stayed down until I regained my strength, then left with a wet towel on my head and a bag of ice on my shoulder. 

I took my meds when I got home. They can make me a bit loopy sometimes. 

Here's a taste of what happens when you mix meds with Snapchat: 

October 9 2016 My Boy Nalu

Got a pretty cool gift from the local police department. They made me a hat with the K-9 unit symbol on the front, and my dog's name on the back.

My dog, Nalu, was in the car with me when the accident happened. He wasn't hurt, amazingly, but was pretty shaken up. One of the policeman first on the scene found Nalu standing on my crushed dashboard, looking down on my helpless body. The policeman told me later that he approached Nalu cautiously, thinking he'd be growling. Instead, he found him protective, yet in a way welcoming his help. The policeman took Nalu and made sure he was safe, knowing he'd most likely end up at the pound. I will be forever grateful for that. 

I didn't see Nalu for a month after the accident. My sister picked him up a few days after the accident and has been taking care of him ever since. Also forever grateful to her. She brought Nalu down for a few days over Memorial Day weekend. It was a bittersweet reunion. The excitement of seeing each other filled the room, but it was sad to see him go. 

My sweet boy Nalu

My sister left this with me though. Was nice to have the photos and memories of my dog and my friends and family on one board up in my house. 

October 9 2016 To All the Homies

Sundays make me all grateful and stuff.
Here's a quick shout-out to everyone that has helped me, visited me, stayed with me, made me meals, and just made this experience so much easier.

Neil watching a video with me

My favorite little ginger

Family visiting

My sister taking me on a physical therapy walk

Family visiting

This was the first time I put makeup on

HB friend

High School friend

College roomie

City police that helped me 

She painted my toes so cute!

October 7 2016 Seven Dwarfs

Due to the flashback, and the fact that I have a mild panic attack every time I hear screeching tires, my primary doctor advised me to go talk to a psychologist about PTSD. Yesterday was my first meeting with him.

He was amazed at how stable and happy I was, even going as far as saying that if he had more clients like me, he'd be out of a job. That was encouraging. At least I'm on the right path. 

But he did open my eyes to a lot. It was a crash course in Psych 101. 

After yesterday, I'm looking back on the past two months and realizing how many emotions I've gone through...I've played the part of all seven dwarfs from Snow White. 

Happy and Sleepy play the major roles, glad to say. But we've had a significant stage presence from Dopey (medications), Grumpy (obvious reasons), Bashful (for all those sweet CNAs that saw me in the buff to help me shower, and helped me in the bathroom in other ways that I don't want to mention), Sneezy (ugh, Sneezy, the worst), and to a lesser extent, Doc (learning to clean my own wounds, wrap my sprained ankle, and tape my broken toe, as well as getting the hang of changing out the neck brace properly).

I have a brain scan today at 9am. An EEG. I woke up at 2am, and have to be awake until my appointment. Sleepy is in the spotlight today. Wish me luck.

On the bright side, these past 6 hours of waiting has allowed me to finally do this blog. 

Cheers!

Right before the EEG

October 1 2016 Silver Lining

A few months ago I was at the downtown farmer's market, and came across this booth called SheJumps. Based out of Salt Lake City, this is a non-profit organization dedicated to getting women more active and outside, teaching workshops on a whole range of activities, for a whole range of ages. I thought it sounded awesome, so I signed up for their newsletter, added my name to the volunteer list, and bought a t-shirt.

After the accident, I posted a profile on their website with a snippet of my story.
On September 21st they contacted me wanting to feature me and my story on their website. Sounded cool, so I sent in photos and a more detailed version of the accident, with future goals.
On October 1st, the feature was posted. I got an email from them saying thank you and wanting to follow my progress. And they sent me a cute hat with their logo (a girafficorn).
Check out their website and my profile!

http://www.shejumps.org/jumpers/becki-church/

Shirt and hat with the SheJumps logo, the Girraficorn!

September 26-30 2016 Bad Days

September also brought migraines from pushing myself too hard, adverse reactions to drugs without food, MRIs, and bad news about my neck.

September 28th proved to be the most depressing day thus far. These neck braces are the worst. Yes, they're necessary if I want to recover, but they're hot, constricting, and uncomfortable. I'm over it. I had a follow-up appointment with my spine doctor (aptly named Dr. Spina--again, my life is a Seinfeld episode) on the 28th. Took more X-rays and was told that the vertebrae had shifted slightly. The fragments that my C5 had broken into proved to be even more concerning with this slippage. I was told I'd have to be in the cervical collar for another month and a half, and then slowly ween it off.
To top off that news, he then told me if it hadn't improved within a month, we'd most likely need to do surgery.
I left the office in a less than energetic mood. When we got home, I told my dad I was turning my phone off and taking a nap. I cried myself to sleep, then woke up and told my dad I was gonna need some Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. And he complied, 'cause he just loves me. :)

Ben & Jerry to the rescue. Everything was bearable after that.

September 1-24 2016 History Lessons

September brought new doctors, more appointments, outpatient therapy, and a resolve to get myself back to my active self, and better.
I began my own water physical therapy around the third week of September, and haven't looked back. It has been so calming and helpful.

I had my first big outing with dad on Saturday, September 24. We took a drive about 45 minutes north to Ogden, to visit the Union Station museums. I'm a museum nerd, so was super excited. There was a street market going on across from the museum in Old Town Ogden on 25th St, so we ventured in. We ended up in the cutest little boutique and got to talking to the owner.
The train station was a major hub of travelers, so all the amenities applied. Apparently the boutique used to be a speakeasy. We saw a square marked out in the floor, which she informed us was once a door to the wine cellar. Many of the shops on 25th street had them, and several of them were connected. They were used for distilleries, for smuggling during prohibition, and hideouts for mobsters. The seedy underbelly of Ogden.
And I bought a pretty dress. Retail therapy works almost as well as physical therapy.

August 25-31 2016 Throwback Thursday

My sister had been here for a few days at this point, a CNA herself. I woke one night having severe stomach pains, and needed her help. I sat up and looked over at her sleeping in the separate bed, and was about to call her name...but I couldn't remember it. I had forgotten my own sister's name! So I called out the first name I could think of--which happened to be my roommate's name. My sister giggled, and corrected me calmly. Clearly it was a side effect of the concussion, but was still alarming, to say the least.

On August 25th I had my first flashback. After laying down in bed for the night, and letting my mind settle down, I recalled part of the accident--the audio version, in surround sound. I suddenly remembered the sound of my car door being sawed off. The crunching of metal, and voices--not panicked voices, but urgent and stern voices. And the feeling of helplessness. My eyes were closed, but I knew I couldn't move.

My eyes popped open and stared into the dark of my room. I had to take deep breaths to calm the anxiety. It was frightening. I was then very grateful that I had couldn't remember most of the incident.

My sister took me out for the first time the next day, to get my mind off of it. Of course, we went to Target.

August 19-24 2016 Come Out Fighting

My brain was pretty alert by the time I went home. The physical therapists at St. Joseph's Villa had trained me well. I was now shuffling with a cane, and able to slowly roll on one side and pull myself up from bed with the help of the bed rail. Which meant I could shuffle to the bathroom on my own! And finally have the privacy that a bathroom was meant for (insert sigh of relief).
I was also finally wearing normal clothes--well, normal in comparison to a hospital gown. I lived in loose pajama pants and button down shirts, not yet able to pull a shirt over my head or pull up anything more fitted than sweatpants.

The PTs helped me find the right items to purchase, so I could create a make-shift rehab environment within my own home. For the next couple weeks, I kept notes daily in a spiral-bound calendar. Most of the entries were along the lines of these:
Emotionally and mentally drained from visitors. Love seeing them, but so hard to keep focus without my brain getting tired.
Nausea and headache with added pain today.
Sudden sharp pain in lower back. Dizzy and headachey.
Constipated. Worst night. All day uncomfortable.
Dizzy and tired. Woke up stiff and achey.

Pretty dismal, right? Surprisingly though, no one would have known how miserable it really was unless they were staying with me. I kept a fairly positive attitude. In a situation like this, you have to. Hope for a future that will be better, and finding good out of a bad situation. It was easier said than done, but it was done. I am a fighter by nature, and this wasn't going to pull me down.

Getting outside in my pjs...and my cute cane my brother decorated for me.

My makeshift hospital bed--bed rail, foam wedge. I'm holding a little mechanism I had to suck breath in several times a day to strengthen my punctured lung.